Superheroes vs. Mitron-man: The Dawn of Demonetization!

These days superheroes world over are a worried lot. Their frustration and desperation is evident from the fact that they are now frequently seen teaming up in recent films. Batman joined forces with Superman in the movie Batman v Superman- Dawn of Justice, while for the first time, even the ever confident Spiderman agreed to play a supporting role in Captain America-Civil War. There were rumors that the rise of a new powerful Super Villain has given them the jitters. However, a spokesman for these superheroes strongly denied this. “The superheroes are fully equipped to handle any new villain on the horizon,” he said matter-of-factly, “on the contrary what worries them is the meteoric rise of a new all too powerful Superhero in the eastern part of the world known as Mitron-Man!” Sources suggest that Mitron-man is an amalgamation of the super-powers of both desi & ‘firangi’ super heroes. While he has the style of the ‘goras’, he’s also in possession of the devoted fan base (often referred to as ‘Bhakts’) enjoyed by desi counterparts (say Hanuman or Shaktimaan). While Mitron-man had displayed his bravado earlier as well (most notably during the Uttarakhand floods of 2013 when, as his ‘bhakts’ propagated, he single-handedly evacuated 15,000 odd trapped Gujarati pilgrims during a two day visit), it’s only in recent months that his true powers have come to the fore.

Mitron-man unleashed!

Sources say that the Hogwarts’s school of Witchcraft & Wizardry has appointed a distinguished panel to investigate if Mitron-man has a wizarding ancestry after seeing how, one fine November evening, he got currency notes worth Rs.15 Lakh crores to disappear without even using a wand. After extensive research, the panel deduced that he achieved this feat with a spell known as ‘demonetization’. A bald headed & bearded spokesman cum close associate of Mitron-man confirmed the news. “Yes,” he said, sitting in a plush office in Ahmedabad, “the demonetization spell is a panacea for some of the major ills that plague the country, such as black money, corruption, terrorism, counterfeit currency and cash based economy.” He further added that their lead scientist Tarun Jaitley is working on upgrading its benefits, & soon demonetization will help in fighting climate change, discovering aliens and understanding why Katappa killed Bahubali. The spokesman later revealed that Tarun Jaitley is to Mitron-man what Lucius Fox is to Batman.

Speaking about Batman, his butler Alfred informed that the 'protector of Gotham City' has gone into a major depression of late, and it’s uncertain when he’ll recover. Explaining the reason he said, “Bruce Wayne-my master’s billionaire alter ego, used to pride himself on wearing the most expensive attire belonging to the choicest brands. Understandably he was crestfallen when he found out that Mitron-man’s alter ego, supposed to be a poor ‘chaiwallah’ (tea seller), has been seen a few times flaunting a suit worth 15 lakh rupees!”

Reports suggest that Batman’s DC Comics colleague Superman is doing no better. The Krypton-born superhero was spotted sitting remorsefully on the banks of Ahmedabad’s famous Kankaria ‘talab’ (lake), trying to cover his red underwear with his red flying rag to maintain the moral sanctity of Bapu’s land. “For decades fans globally used to admire my massive muscular chest, and ability to reach places far & wide in an instant,” he narrated, sounding despondent. “But this newbie Mitron-man seems to have an unheard of 56 inch chest & has visited an astounding 50+ countries in the last two years. I feel I have been rendered jobless, and have thus come to Ahmedabad to explore an alternative career option as a Khadi handloom worker,” he lamented.

A worried Superman

Mitron-man’s fans or ‘Bhakts’ weren’t however moved by the pitiable state of these erstwhile superheroes. “These people are losers, Mitron-man is all of them rolled into one,” boasted Anupam Sher- a senior member of the fan club, “his powers rival that of Krishna- the most powerful avatar of Lord Vishnu.” “Look at the way Mitron-man has conveniently shifted goalposts and spun a web of half-truths, deceit, false perceptions and aggressive posturing to prove that ‘notebandi’ is a super success and anyone opposing it is anti-national; even Spiderman would have struggled to spin such a web in his wildest dreams," he concluded with a smug expression on his face.

If rumors are to be believed, not to take things lying down, the ‘AWSTU’ (All world superhero trade union) has approached super-villain Lord Voldemort to try and curtail the rising powers of the unaffiliated Mitron-man. Pained after hearing their tales of misery, Harry Potter’s bête noire conjured up a ’56 inches’ LED TV out of thin air. “This should do the trick, it's similar to the Kryptonite rock which incapacitates superman,” he hissed, pleased with himself, “once switched on, the TV would constantly display visuals of violence and hooliganism propagated by Right-wing affiliated groups, backed by BJP MPs like Yogi Adityanath, Kailash Vijayvargiya and Giriraj Singh. It will also highlight screenshots of filthy abuses directed towards women, and threats posted by BJP trolls on social media. Mitron-man is known to lose his powers of vision and speech once subjected to these visuals and images, and scoots away from the scene faster than Quicksilver from the X-Men team.”

One learns that superheroes have been using this antidote against Mitron-man in the last few months with a fair degree of success!

Voldemort conjuring up a 56 inch LED TV

Disclaimer: The above article is a work of fiction intended to bring a smile to your face. They bear no connection to events and characters in real life.

Image Source: http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/